99 days
by Chloethepirate
Summary: John Watson doesn't know how to deal with Sherlock's 'death.' He knew he wasn't really dead, but that didn't stop him mourning. -Oneshot-


**Hey, just thought I'd write a small one shot about John after Sherlock's 'death.' Sorry it's not very good, I wrote it in class. Enjoy!**

**-Chloe**

_Dear Sherlock, _

_It's been a week since you jumped off St Bart's. My therapist thinks it would be good of me to write letters to you, since I know you're still alive. She obviously doesn't believe me though, nobody does. They think I'm going through PTSD again, but honestly I think she's the worst therapist ever, she's constantly getting things wrong. I keep deducing her, like you do, it makes me laugh. I can tell by her fingernails that she doesn't know how to fix me. Not that I need fixing, I'm perfectly fine. I'm just waiting for you to show up in the middle of the night or hear you shooting at the wall when I'm in the shower, shouting at how bored you got while you were away. The day will come; I know you're not dead._

_-JW_

_Dear Sherlock,_

_It's been 14 days. Mycroft came round on Saturday; he seemed surprised that I wasn't wallowing in self pity. I see you've got him to play a part in your little game. Or maybe he doesn't even know? That'd be one clever move Sherlock. My leg pain came back, I'm not really sure why. That's why I started going back to therapy; I thought that someone could tell me why, they just think I'm in shock. Nothing could shock me after living with you for as long as I have._

_-JW_

_Dear Sherlock,_

_It's been 21 days. It's getting rather dull around the flat without you and the cases you brought with you. Mrs Hudson constantly wants to have tea with me, I always say no, but hey, I got to give her points for her consistency. I haven't been out in a while actually, not properly. I've been to fetch shopping, I've started getting that brand of tea you like, it's absolutely disgusting but it's there for when you come home. I think I'm going stir crazy, but going outside is even worse. When are you getting back Sherlock?_

_-JW_

_Sherlock,_

_It's been 23 days and I feel really odd. You were on the news today. They've finally realised you were real. I always knew you were. They're holding some sort of memorial for you down at Scotland Yard. I've refused to go. You're still alive. I thought that everybody realising that both you and Moriarty was real would make me happy, but I'm not sure. I don't feel any different. You're still not here._

_When are you coming back?_

_-John_

_Sherlock,_

_It's been 28 days. I've stopped going to therapy. She thinks I'm deluded. She asked to read through my letters, at first I denied, but eventually gave in. Her exact words were 'You have to stop living in denial, stop lying to yourself. Even if you were right about Sherlock being real, he is still dead.' I felt like I could have hit her then, which is very unusual for me. I have never and would never hit a woman. It was just a surprising passing thought I think you'd find interesting. I'm more protective of you than I thought I was; especially now you're away. Anyway, even though I stopped therapy I still like writing these letters. I might start sending them. God knows where you are though. Come back soon._

_-John_

_Sherlock,_

_I was angry all week last week. Angry and sad. That's why I didn't write to you, I'm sorry. Why aren't you back yet? I thought you'd be back by now, now that everybody has accepted they were wrong. What was I thinking? You made me watch you pretend to kill yourself, you're a machine._

_I thought I saw you in the street a couple of days ago, I chased you for what felt like miles. It wasn't you. I didn't know what to do after that, didn't know what to say to the jogger I'd just ran after. I just turned around and went back to the flat._

_I'm hungry; I can't remember the last time I ate. I don't understand how you do it, not eating for days on end. It hurts. Oh, it's been 42 days by the way. Are you counting too? I hope you are. Come back soon._

_John._

_Sherlock,_

_It's been 56 days, 2 hours and 3 minutes since you jumped. It feels longer. Lestrade came today; I don't remember what he said, something about being sorry for not believing me then something about eating and something else about seeing your grave again. I refused whatever he asked me. I can take care of myself. I don't need anybody else but you._

_-John._

_Sherlock, _

_You are alive, aren't you?_

_Sherlock, _

_It's been 66 days, come back soon._

_-JW _

_Sherlock,_

_It's been 70 days. 10 weeks. _

_I hallucinated you today. I came out of the bathroom and saw you lying on the couch. I went over to touch you and as my fingers made contact with you, you disappeared. I cried for the first time in months. I cried because I really thought it was you. I thought you'd finally come back. I thought you'd finally realised how much I mean to you. But no, you don't care about me. I'm embarrassed that I actually thought I meant anything to you. I was just someone you live with. Your blogger. That was all. I helped with the rent and buying tea. That was it._

_Dear Sherlock,_

_This is the first letter I'm actually going to send, I don't know what address to put on the envelope or when I'll actually send this, but I will. I miss you. I miss you more than anything. _

_I keep getting so mad with you. I don't understand how you could imprint yourself on my life so deeply. I don't understand how to live anymore. It's been 77 days and 3 minutes. Come back soon._

_-JW_

_Sherlock. _

_It's been 91 days and I don't see any point in living any more. I don't remember the last time I ate. My hair is falling out. I'm waking up with cuts and bruises on my body and the only thing I can think is that I've been doing it to myself in my sleep. Not that I sleep much anymore. An hour a night Is usually all I get. I'm trying to think of a plan. A type of way to go. You fell, maybe I'll fall too?_

_-John_

_Sherlock,_

_You were a good person! Why aren't you here? Why aren't you here to help me? I need you Sherlock, I owe you so much. I am so alone. I'm alone again and I need you._

_Sherlock,_

_Are you dead? I need to know if you are._

_Dear Sherlock, _

_It's been 99 days. I wish I could have made it to 100 but this is too hard. This is my note. Unlike yours this is an actual note. It's gotten too hard. I can hear voices, they're urging me to do it. One of those voices is your's. Maybe I'll see you up there? _

_Mrs Hudson, I'm sorry if you find me. Tell Lestrade I'm sorry too but there's only one person who could have prevented this and, as you've reminded me many many times, that person is dead._

_'Goodbye John' Was the last thing you said to me when you were alive. I remember the huskiness of your voice, the way I could tell you were crying. Are you dead Sherlock? This is the only way I can find out. I can recall exactly the way you spread your arms and let yourself fall over the edge. I used to think that bike that hit me was a way of distracting me so you could get away. But I don't think that's true anymore. I think that you're dead. And the only way I'll see you again is if I'm dead too. I'll see you soon my only friend. Goodbye Sherlock, I love you._

_-John Watson_

John set the note onto the floor and stood up on the chair; tears that he no longer knew could fall blurred his eyes. He reached up and tied his best friend's scarf onto the cupboard railing. The scarf fit snugly around his neck. John smiled; he could smell Sherlock on the scarf. This was it; he knew what was waiting for him. It was time. He wiped his eyes, smiled again and swiftly kicked the chair away.

That was the end for John Watson and he finally felt happiness and piece as his life slipped away from him.

_Dear John,_

_I got your letter; Mycroft has friends at the postal service. _

_I knew you'd know I was alive, I knew from the moment I met you that you were smarter than the other idiots. _

_I've been counting too John, it's been 100 days today. I never thought I'd say this, but I miss you. Being away from you has made me far too sentimental._

_I've spent the last few months cutting off all ties from Moriarty's web. They're all dead now John, everybody's finally safe. I hope you've been okay, Mycroft mentioned he was worried about you because you knew I wasn't dead, he said you looked like a bomb ready to blow. _

_I'll be back soon, I promise._

_Make sure you buy the tea I like, I won't be long now._

_-SH_

**Comments? Questions? Concerns? Please review!**


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